What's become of George Lucas? This is the second disappointment of the year (after the hugely upsetting Indy 4). A record low. Should Lucas pack up his things, head back to Skywalker Ranch, and just sit back, counting the billions of dollars he's still raking in from the original Star Wars films and their prequels? HELL YES!
What's essentially a 98-minute preview to the TV show that will air later on Cartoon Network, this animated slopfest, which takes place between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith has less to do with the Clone Wars and more to do with the recovery of Jabba's son (the Clone Wars takes a backseat). This movie should've been retitled Star Wars Episode II 1/2: The Search for Jabba's Fat-Ass Son. Instead of getting the usual scrolling prologue, we get a narration from a guy who sounds like he did all those propoganda news reels in the '40s and '50s. The Clone Wars rage on between the Separatists and the Galactic Republic. Jabba's son mysteriously goes missing and the Jedi Knights are hired to find him. This means Anakin (voice of Matt Lanter) and his new padawan, Ahsoka Tano (voice of Ashley Eckstein). Meanwhile, Count Dooku (voice of Christopher Lee) plots against Jabba, stating that it was the Jedi that stole Jabba's son.
First off, the animation is absolutely horrible! It's like marionette puppets moving out there. They're just mouths moving on emotionless faces. Anakin's looks like he was modeled after a Michael Myers mask. Jabba looks like a giant turd! The dialogue is awful and we get more annoying characters. Ahsoka is so damn annoying, within the first few minutes of her being onscreen, I wanted to reach in there, grab Anakin's lightsaber, and dice her up. Her annoying voice was enough to drive anyone over the edge. She should mate with Jar Jar Binks. The action is stiff and mediocre. The soldiers don't run, they prance around like ninnies! Everything that should've gone right with this movie, goes horribly, horribly wrong! The writers exhaust every last effort to squeeze some glimmer of life out of this putrid waste, going even as far to throw jokes and gags in with the droids, but even those fall flat! AND POOP JOKES?! IN A STAR WARS FILM?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! This film is a scar on the Star Wars name. This isn't Star Wars!! This is SHIT!!
What's essentially a 98-minute preview to the TV show that will air later on Cartoon Network, this animated slopfest, which takes place between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith has less to do with the Clone Wars and more to do with the recovery of Jabba's son (the Clone Wars takes a backseat). This movie should've been retitled Star Wars Episode II 1/2: The Search for Jabba's Fat-Ass Son. Instead of getting the usual scrolling prologue, we get a narration from a guy who sounds like he did all those propoganda news reels in the '40s and '50s. The Clone Wars rage on between the Separatists and the Galactic Republic. Jabba's son mysteriously goes missing and the Jedi Knights are hired to find him. This means Anakin (voice of Matt Lanter) and his new padawan, Ahsoka Tano (voice of Ashley Eckstein). Meanwhile, Count Dooku (voice of Christopher Lee) plots against Jabba, stating that it was the Jedi that stole Jabba's son.
First off, the animation is absolutely horrible! It's like marionette puppets moving out there. They're just mouths moving on emotionless faces. Anakin's looks like he was modeled after a Michael Myers mask. Jabba looks like a giant turd! The dialogue is awful and we get more annoying characters. Ahsoka is so damn annoying, within the first few minutes of her being onscreen, I wanted to reach in there, grab Anakin's lightsaber, and dice her up. Her annoying voice was enough to drive anyone over the edge. She should mate with Jar Jar Binks. The action is stiff and mediocre. The soldiers don't run, they prance around like ninnies! Everything that should've gone right with this movie, goes horribly, horribly wrong! The writers exhaust every last effort to squeeze some glimmer of life out of this putrid waste, going even as far to throw jokes and gags in with the droids, but even those fall flat! AND POOP JOKES?! IN A STAR WARS FILM?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! This film is a scar on the Star Wars name. This isn't Star Wars!! This is SHIT!!
1 star
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